The Conundrum of Fear

I sought the LORD, and HE answered me;

HE delivered me from ALL my fears.

Psalm 34:4

I will lie down and sleep in peace,

for You alone O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Psalm 4:8

 

I wonder sometimes why I fear anything at all. I mean, of all people, I have very little reason to be afraid, yet I do fear. Rarely do I fear for my life like Christians in Roman times feared for their lives, but I do have fears – some not at all rational. I fear the prospect of being single all my life long. I fear when I consider how quickly my family could be taken from me or how quickly I could become destitute. I fear that for all my “fear and trembling” that I won’t have “worked out my salvation” enough when all the cards are down.

Many of the fears I deal with on a daily basis are spiritual ones like that last one. I usually combat those fears one by one by finding scripture that speaks to those issues, but sometimes I will admit that I get stuck. I often remind myself that I am not my own any longer. I have beenbought at a great price, yet when I sin, and I do sin, I wonder how I can continue to sin at all when Christ paid such a price for me or I wonder how I can continue to sin when I claim to have surrendered my life to Christ. Why can’t I have an attitude like Job where he says that “for I dreaded destruction from God, and for fear of His splendor, I could not do such things” (31:23)? I wonder about the state of my soul especially when I find that my creature comforts win out over my obedience. Does it follow that I’ve been duped and am not who I say I am? Do I only pay lip service to the One True God, yet hold back the control of my life and thus am illegitimate? Or is it with me the way it was with Paul? That the good I want to do I don’t do and the bad I don’t want to do, I do?

Oh so many questions but not enough solid answers when it comes to deciphering what’s in this black heart of mine. It’s scary.

“…in their misery they will seek Me.” God (Hosea 5:15)

Just for fun, here's a sketch of my dog, Munchy. As much as he aggravates me, I love him. He’s getting gray now. Over the last few years I’ve started to notice how gray. He still has plenty of personality – I wouldn’t have it any other way.