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Am I looking for a “Perfect Horse”?

“He who wait for perfect horse have mighty long walk” - Cameron

I thought for sure I’d abandoned even the idea of finding anyone, let alone a perfect someone to share my life with, but when I read that line, I laughed and identified. I’ve been reading a book that challenges me not to mope about being single, but to embrace this period of my life in such a way as to make it interesting enough to look forward to. In reading some of the passages, I’ve realized that I’ve put my life on hold and that I’ve not tried to figure out who I am, what I like and such. Generally speaking, I don’t like to focus on those kinds of things just because it seems selfish of me, but there isn’t anyone else in my life that will be hurt if I focus on figuring those things out. And there may never be someone and in more ways than one, I’m starting to get used to that idea.

I mean, if I were married, the hair in the drain wouldn’t be just mine, and I’d have to worry about whether or not he’d be ok with each penny spent and each decision made. Right now, my decisions only affect me. Right now, if I want to walk around in the buff, I can – as long as the shades are drawn. Right now, I can pick up and go on a long trip without much holding me back from it – well, relationally speaking. There really are a lot of advantages to being single.

Being alone worries me sometimes, especially as I see my reflection aging because I figure with each wrinkle, each pound my chances of catching the eye of someone special dwindles. But when there’s no pressure – no physical pressures of dating, no demands on my time for a relationship, no insane expectations to live up to – yeah, being single certainly has its advantages.

And the more I think about it, save the acute loneliness of the single life, I think that the list of pro’s is longer than the list of con’s. I know that God’s promised to provide everything I “need”. So, that line of reasoning leads me to believe that I don’t need a husband right now. That’s comforting and strangely encouraging. I can focus on God as the only one I have to please and that’s got its own sets of challenges, so I’m glad I don’t have to worry about a husband’s expectations too.

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